Let’s face it, being in a long distance relationship is probably the toughest type of relationship out there. Whether it’s temporary or long-term it’s plain awful. Don’t give up on each other! I have had plenty of experience with long-term relationships as my boyfriend and I currently live states apart (him in Alaska and me in Wisconsin). We’ve been managing this for about five months now and our time apart is about to come to an end. We’ve been able to still maintain a healthy and exciting relationship while apart so I thought sharing our tips could help other couples going through the same thing!
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Communication is Key
Talking almost everyday on the phone is one of the things I feel has really helped us maintain trust. We know what each other’s plans are for the week and are able to maintain a schedule that still allows time to enrich our relationship.
I highly recommend long-distance couples use FaceTime as a way to see each other while not being physically together. Sometimes even just a few minutes on FaceTime really brightens my day the way sitting down with my significant other also would.
Shoot each other text messages as much as possible during the day in order to keep each other in the loop. This allows for your partner to know how you’re feeling at any given moment.
Send each other letters! Receiving something in the mail with your partner’s handwriting will ensure you stay connected in some sort of physical way. Bonus points if you include photos. For instance, I sent my boyfriend a christmas card that had a picture of the two of us on the front.
Keep the Conversation Flowing
It can be really difficult to think of what to talk about when you’re talking all the time. You can only talk about yourself and what happened during your day for so long! It really can seem that you’ve told each other every story about your families, your childhood, and then some! Don’t feel bad if you run out of things to talk about, it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with your relationship.
There are several resources on the internet that can help to keep the conversation flowing. I recommend searching on Google or Pinterest “conversation starters for couples” or “questions for couples.” We’ve done this ourselves and it gave us hours of more conversation!
Maybe you want to invest in some cards with great conversation starters for couples. A pack of 600 can be found linked below!
Celebrate Holidays and Anniversaries
Just because you’re not physically together doesn’t mean you should have to skip out on celebrating some of the greatest moments of the year. You can still buy each other gifts for Valentine’s Day, anniversaries, and Christmas. Send them to each other through the mail and open them together on FaceTime!
Have Date Nights
It’s still possible to have date nights even miles apart from one another. All you have to do is block out a time where both of you will be available and set up your phone on FaceTime or even a regular phone call. This is a great way to still have dinner together or watch a movie at the same time.
Prioritize the Relationship and One Another
Don’t let your separate lives get in between the two of you! You need to remind each other that your relationship is important. Even though you’re not physically together, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be prioritizing time spent together. I know schedules get busy, but even a two minute phone call has made me feel so much more loved in my own relationship.
Remember to Trust Each Other
This is where that communication tip really comes into play. Sometimes when having lives apart from each other, it can seem like your partner values their own life rather than yours together. Whether this includes their job, hobbies, or friends, remember they wouldn’t be with you if you didn’t also bring joy to their life!
If the two of you ever feel insecure about the relationship you have together, bring it up to your partner right away. The two of you will be able to talk through the problem right away so it doesn’t escalate into something further.
Count Down the Days
It’s important to remember that this time apart is only temporary! When is the next time the two of you will see each other? Download a countdown app or write it on a calendar. This is something that has kept us excited as we count down the days to when you get to physically be together again.
If you’re able to, visit each other as much as possible! In the past few months I’ve flown to Alaska twice and he has come home to Wisconsin to visit me as well. I know this one is difficult because maybe your work schedule or financial status won’t allow for it, but if you’re able to, I highly recommend not only visiting each other to physically see each other, but also to experience what life is like in a new place!
Acknowledge That Time Apart is Hard
The two of you don’t have to pretend like being apart is easy. Talking through your feelings of loneliness or sadness about being apart is important for the two of you to become even closer emotionally while you’re physically apart.
One thing that can help with this is if you talk about all of the exciting things you’ll do the next time you see each other. Talking about the future and what your life will be like together when you no longer live so far apart is another thing that got us through some of the hardest days.
Never Go to Bed Angry
This is a word of advice that really applies to any relationship. Don’t let your bad mood fester into something bigger that will tear the two of you apart. Talk about your problems as they arise and don’t forget to apologize to each other.
I think one thing that tears a lot of couples apart is holding our own egos higher than our partner. When you know you were in the wrong you need to apologize, it’s as simple as that! By talking things through and apologizing when it’s warranted, your long-distance relationship will be just as strong, if not stronger, than that of couples living together.
Focus on Personal Growth
When you’re not able to spend time together it’s easy to be fixated on your relationship and upset about all the things you’re currently not able to do together. But what a lot of people don’t realize is this is the best time to be working on your own self-improvement!
Maybe you’ve always wanted to learn sign language, play the piano, or paint really well. This is the perfect time to pick up your newest favorite hobby. Focus on your own personal growth during this time. Chances are life won’t be this simple forever. When you do live closer to each other or with each other you won’t have as much time for your own hobbies. This is especially relevant if you want to have children one day. This really is the best time to be focused on yourself!
I know long distance relationships are difficult and just plain not fun. I hope these tips that have gotten myself and my partner through our own long distance relationship are helpful as you navigate your own. The biggest takeaway from this is that distance isn’t forever! Don’t give up on each other and focus on how great your lives will be and how much stronger you’ll be as a couple when you make it through this extremely difficult time.
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